April 28, 2008
Am I an optimist or a pessimist? It depends on who in my life you ask. It depends on if they’re close enough to me to be in my “whiny inner circle.” I’m honestly both, but I would like to learn more optimism. Because frankly pessimism hasn’t done a damn thing for me. Now a healthy skepticism and dose of cynicism has served me well, but just the all out doom and gloom mentality of the pessimist, no.
If occurs to me that worry doesn’t solve any problems. It’s not an active solution. It’s just burning energy. And not in a productive way. So I’m seeking to change my attitude. I don’t want to be the type of person who worries about things, gets frequently depressed, or is angry all the time.
I tend to blow things up bigger than they are. I tend to let stupid things get to me. I’ve been known to stew and obsess for hours, even days over a smartass remark on a message board. (Not writing related things. Places where I can be anonymous.) Why? What’s the point? At the end of the day most people aren’t saints, but most people aren’t devils either.
Most of those nasty people we know are just miserably unhappy. I don’t have to get the last word in. They make their own day bad just by having to exist in the sludge of meanness they’ve built around them. Maybe it’s a protective measure so people won’t hurt them or take advantage. But when does a shield stop being a shield and start being a weapon that you attack both others and yourself with?
I don’t want to be like that. When people think of me I want them to think positive things. Not because I have some need for everybody to like me. Not everybody will. That’s fine. But because I don’t want to be a part of making someone else unhappy. Even indirectly with my pessimism.
There are often times when I feel like I’m “behind.” For 29 I haven’t accomplished a whole lot. And I feel like a big part of that has been a pessimistic attitude.
April 28, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Speak!
I’ve been reflecting on why I feel behind and I think it’s because within the romance genre, the majority of its writers (and readers) are much older than I am–my mother’s generation in fact–and my view of the journey has been skewed. Instead of measuring my progress by my peers (that is, writers in my generation), I’ve been measuring myself against women who have been writing since I was a child!
Many of the women I’ve been in contact with have ten to fifteen years under their belt either as published authors, or as writers working towards eventual publication, and here I am, working myself into a lather when the age I am now, is the age during which many authors were still experimenting and growing into their writing style.
Not to say twentysomethings don’t deserve to be published (I find it curious that a lot of the big name authors who’ve been around since the 80s and early 90s began in their twenties), but it’s kind of foolish to assume I am “behind” everyone, when I may be where they may have been at my age. *g*
April 28, 2008 at 10:56 pm
You know, I actually talk more pessimistic than I feel. Usually. It’s sort of bizarre, and I’m working on it.
Although, sometimes I am like a dog with a bone if I get really upset. I’ll stew for days, and I’ll REPEAT the issue in my mind over and over and over. Exactly the same each time.
At that point, I have to kick myself into letting it go. I have to step in and get my sanity back, LOL.
April 29, 2008 at 12:20 am
edwardiangaiety,
Hey those are excellent points. It’s easy to look at other people’s success and see ourselves as behind, but you’re right. You’re probably at the developmental stage you’re supposed to be at. Also, different people progress more slowly or quicker so there isn’t a certain number of years you have to “do time” or a certain age you have to get to first. It’s just different for everybody.
Hey Spy, I do that sometimes too. I think the pattern towards very pessimistic speech is because certain forms of humor/sarcasm are very pessimistic but they’re funny and so we say them. But I think at the same time, while we’re getting a laugh we’re still internalizing a pessimistic attitude.
Of course not all sarcastic humor is that pessimistic so I think it’s still possible to have it without it causing you to see things more negatively.
April 29, 2008 at 9:27 am
Zoe, good for you! Deciding you’ll be optimistic will make a huge difference. I made that decision once, and I’m in a much better place. Actually, I don’t know if accomplishments or even money make you happier or more optimistic. I know some people with lives that would make me feel awful who are always smiling, and it’s an authentic happiness, coming from inside them. I also know people who are accomplished and wealthy, and they’re unhappy and pessimistic. Shrug.
I think it comes down to making the decision that you’re making right now. To be optimistic instead of pessimistic.
April 29, 2008 at 9:28 am
I don’t know why that all came out in Italics, but I’m not going to worry about it.
April 29, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Spy, clinking a glass to positive! Love your desire to dig deep, and find answers on this issue. Love the comments, and sharing definitely makes a difference in all of our progress. I love the quote used in many books today; something to the effect, what we think, we become. So true.
April 29, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Hehe Edie, thanks!
Thanks LaDonna. (Not sure if that was all directed at Spy, or me, or both.)
April 30, 2008 at 10:06 am
LOL, sorry had a brain-fart! I knew I was at your place, Zoe, but Spy’s name somehow got stuck in my noggin’. Sorry bout that.