Am I an optimist or a pessimist? It depends on who in my life you ask. It depends on if they’re close enough to me to be in my “whiny inner circle.” I’m honestly both, but I would like to learn more optimism. Because frankly pessimism hasn’t done a damn thing for me. Now a healthy skepticism and dose of cynicism has served me well, but just the all out doom and gloom mentality of the pessimist, no.

If occurs to me that worry doesn’t solve any problems. It’s not an active solution. It’s just burning energy. And not in a productive way. So I’m seeking to change my attitude. I don’t want to be the type of person who worries about things, gets frequently depressed, or is angry all the time.

I tend to blow things up bigger than they are. I tend to let stupid things get to me. I’ve been known to stew and obsess for hours, even days over a smartass remark on a message board. (Not writing related things. Places where I can be anonymous.) Why? What’s the point? At the end of the day most people aren’t saints, but most people aren’t devils either.

Most of those nasty people we know are just miserably unhappy. I don’t have to get the last word in. They make their own day bad just by having to exist in the sludge of meanness they’ve built around them. Maybe it’s a protective measure so people won’t hurt them or take advantage. But when does a shield stop being a shield and start being a weapon that you attack both others and yourself with?

I don’t want to be like that. When people think of me I want them to think positive things. Not because I have some need for everybody to like me. Not everybody will. That’s fine. But because I don’t want to be a part of making someone else unhappy. Even indirectly with my pessimism.

There are often times when I feel like I’m “behind.” For 29 I haven’t accomplished a whole lot. And I feel like a big part of that has been a pessimistic attitude.