I think sometimes as writers we coddle ourselves too much. I know I’ve been guilty of this very recently. We find an excuse not to write. And man it’s a good one too. We don’t feel good today. Or we just need to take a day off to let things percolate. Need to think some. Cause lord knows we can’t just WRITE.
And I’ve excused myself far too much. A day off turns into two days which eventually turns into a week. And even when it doesn’t, working 2 days a week isn’t working. Please keep in mind, it’s not working…for ME. It might be genuine effort for someone else with more things on their plate. You see, I have no real massive responsibilities out in the world. I’m not employed. I don’t have any children. I’m not on any committees.
My days are lavish rolling hills of sunbathing, rollerblading, working out, and yoga. And some house cleaning and some cooking. I’m not making forward momentum because I’m allowing fear to stop me. At this point I’m about equally afraid of success or failure so it’s become this big bogey man. There is no longer any logic here.
In my head I’m either going to absolutely fail forever at every writing related thing I try, or else I’ll have a nice success then fail subsequently forever after that. (so I guess I’m not really afraid of success so much as a small success that gives me false security that I’ll continue to succeed.)
I have no idea where this deep pessimism comes from. But I know it’s not healthy. If I want to consider writing “my job” even if I’m not getting paid for it yet, then I can’t just “do it when I feel like it.” I think with writing, since it’s a creative endeavor, if things aren’t flowing right, it’s tempting to just “let it percolate” for awhile. And that’s all fine and good…but hey…I can work on something else.
I’ve decided it’s absolutely necessary unless I want to forever “play at being a writer” that I actually WRITE or do something strongly writing related every day. Weekends I can have off. Everybody else gets weekends off. But I have to stop this patting myself on the back and going “Oh, you didn’t write today? That’s okay. You just sit there in that big comfy chair. Writing is hard. Just let it percolate for the next five years and come back to it.”
This is a recipe for never being published.
