I think sometimes as writers we coddle ourselves too much. I know I’ve been guilty of this very recently. We find an excuse not to write. And man it’s a good one too. We don’t feel good today. Or we just need to take a day off to let things percolate. Need to think some. Cause lord knows we can’t just WRITE.
And I’ve excused myself far too much. A day off turns into two days which eventually turns into a week. And even when it doesn’t, working 2 days a week isn’t working. Please keep in mind, it’s not working…for ME. It might be genuine effort for someone else with more things on their plate. You see, I have no real massive responsibilities out in the world. I’m not employed. I don’t have any children. I’m not on any committees.
My days are lavish rolling hills of sunbathing, rollerblading, working out, and yoga. And some house cleaning and some cooking. I’m not making forward momentum because I’m allowing fear to stop me. At this point I’m about equally afraid of success or failure so it’s become this big bogey man. There is no longer any logic here.
In my head I’m either going to absolutely fail forever at every writing related thing I try, or else I’ll have a nice success then fail subsequently forever after that. (so I guess I’m not really afraid of success so much as a small success that gives me false security that I’ll continue to succeed.)
I have no idea where this deep pessimism comes from. But I know it’s not healthy. If I want to consider writing “my job” even if I’m not getting paid for it yet, then I can’t just “do it when I feel like it.” I think with writing, since it’s a creative endeavor, if things aren’t flowing right, it’s tempting to just “let it percolate” for awhile. And that’s all fine and good…but hey…I can work on something else.
I’ve decided it’s absolutely necessary unless I want to forever “play at being a writer” that I actually WRITE or do something strongly writing related every day. Weekends I can have off. Everybody else gets weekends off. But I have to stop this patting myself on the back and going “Oh, you didn’t write today? That’s okay. You just sit there in that big comfy chair. Writing is hard. Just let it percolate for the next five years and come back to it.”
This is a recipe for never being published.
May 14, 2008 at 1:00 am
LOL … well, why don’t you try this? Play at writing, but just play at it every day.
May 14, 2008 at 1:16 am
That sounds like an excellent plan, Spy. When you said that something just “clicked” for me. Because I feel like the more seriously I take it, the more freaked out about it I get. What if I just chill out about it, take the ACT of writing seriously, but not the results so much. Just chill about it.
I’ll just play at writing everyday, and then practice sending it out. No expectations of fears one way or the other.
May 15, 2008 at 6:45 am
I like Spy’s idea of making writing play.
This might seem woo woo, but I watched an Oprah show a couple days ago about past life regression. People said knowing what happened in a past life freed them to go ahead in a positive way in this life. This echoed what a friend told me. She had a past life regression, and she said she learned what blocked her from success and that now she can succeed in her life.
Just something to think about.
May 15, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Hey Edie, yeah I think I’m going to try to make it play. Not take it “too seriously.” Investing too much in the outcome instead of the act seems to be counterproductive to success.
Also, on the past life thing, I figure if I’ve forgotten it, it’s probably with good reason. I don’t want to dredge up the past because I figure, like most people I’ve had some pretty horrific past lives. (I mean this is common sense looking at history and statistical realities.) I’d rather not know.